Monday, November 7, 2011

WildCats (1986)

WildCats

raena: man you know what else is a FANTASTIC movie?
             Wild Cats
             with goldie hawn?
             holy shit
             hilarious
mykel: eh?
             i don't know that one
raena: i didn't know of it either
             but jesse had me watch it like a year ago
mykel: i only remember her in Overboard
raena: it is seriously LEGIT
mykel: haha wow
raena: it also has a really young woody harrelson and wesley snipes in it
mykel: dang
raena: goldie hawn takes on coaching a high school football team in chicago
mykel: OH YEEEEAH
raena: like "the worst team ever"
             and she totally turns it out
mykel: i know that one, but i never saw it
             yeah, like a female football bad news bears
raena: omg it is so funny. it has so many little gems.
             the girl from teen witch is her daughter in it
             it's so great hahahaha
mykel: hahaha
raena: she's all calling the team pussies and shit
mykel: i'ma hafta czech it
             hahhaahahahaha YES
raena: and the player is like "FUCK YOU!"
             and she's all "'fuck you, WHO????"
             "FUCK YOU . . COACH!"
             so great
             yeah you gotta get that one
             there is also a really weird song during the ending credits
             kinda superbowl shuffle style
             ok i'll stop
             i should review this movie
             i should just copy and paste this conversation as the review
mykel: hahaha
             yes
             seriously
             do that

Zapped! (1982)



This is one film I was never permitted to watch when I was younger, because it is a teen sex comedy, and I was only 5 years old when it came out.  That didn't prevent me from seeing snippets and clips here and there throughout my young life, but an entire screening always eluded me, much in the same way that Porky's and Meatballs seemed to.

Well, usher in a new era ov technology, and we have Netflix bringing this "lost" classic right into my livingroom.  What we have here is a simple tale ov a young scientific mind bursting with innovative ideas, portrayed to a magnificent tee by a very young Scott Baio, who is being counseled by many different sources on how to bring his research and his manhood into fruition:  his prune-juice-guzzling parents, his whiskey-guzzling coach (played by the lovable Scatman Crothers!!!!), and his well-to-do, vagina-guzzling bestie, who was cast in a stroke ov pure fate to be played by none other than Willie Aames.  (We'll get into this significance in moment...)

It starts out simply enough:  Mr. Baio is creating botanical formulas to help the principal's prize orchids win something like a prize or something, I don't think it's important, but what IS important is that his buddy has convinced him to grow some super high grade marijuana behind them as well, thus insuring their livelihood.  I don't wanna be a spoiler, but let's just say some monkeying around in the lab by a certain trusted associate proves to be a stroke ov dangerous luck, because an explosion in the lab causes a curious change in our protagonist....

Namely, the power ov TELEKINESIS!!!  That's right folks, he can move things with his mind.  And what does the mind ov a horny teenage man want to move?  You guessed it:  Boobies.  So there's some ov that, and his rich-boy buddy talks him into all kinda stuff, and there's really awesome old school special effects where stuff actually moves and does weird stuff and it's not done by a computer, etc. etc. etc.

But really what happens in this movie is more important than the plot, the screenplay, the hilarious and titillating climax/conclusion, the laughs, or the boobies.  What happens is that smoldering onscreen chemistry is achieved, and while the box office profits and movie reviews ov the time might not have shown it's proof, Hollywood was not blind to the larger truth.  Scott Baio and Willie Aames were MAG-NET-ICK - every dude wanted to be them and have that buddy, and every girl wanted to give them hickeys on their dickies.  So Hollywood did the only thing it could do:  create the best sitcom in the history ov television.

CHARLES IN CHARGE.

Man, the laughs just did not STOP on that show.  I myself prefer the second incarnation, when the show went syndicated, and the Pembroke family was replaced by the Powell family, which featured my then-total-crush Nicole Eggert (who I have found out, by way ov my son's insistence that we watch The Super Mario Brothers cartoon, she guest starred on the aforementioned video game show in the live action segments preceding the cartoons, where she would banter about with two grown men dressed as Mario and Luigi), which was basically the reason I would watch that show anyways.  I mean, besides the smoldering onscreen chemistry ov Scott Baio and Willie Aames.  Amen.